These past couple of weeks have been by far the worst when it has come to Syd and her pooping issues. A few weeks back there were some missed doses and/or incomplete intake of her Miralax which resulted in a large, not soft, painful BM and since then things have spiraled even more out of control. It also didn’t help that she had started to use the potty a few times for peeing so there has been total toilet confusion going on — she want’s a diaper — she doesn’t — she doesn’t want to sit on the potty — she wants to. Of course during all of this discourse she is screaming, freaked out beyond belief, sheer panic in her eyes, racing heart, sweating, stamping her little feet, clenching her little butt cheeks, crying so hard I’m afraid she will start hyperventilating.
Ya, it’s not been good. Sometimes I find myself tearing up when I even remotely think of the prior nights trauma.
To find some answers — or grasp at straws, or cling to hope — I got a GI appointment at Children’s National for Syd thanks to the handiwork of some amazing co-workers (another downside of living in a heavily populated area is waiting forever for specialist appointments).
That appointment was yesterday and after going through her story and after her exam we were presented with what I had feared.
There is nothing wrong.
Her system on exam appeared normal. The celiac results are still pending (but it doesn’t run in our family so I’m doubting this is the cause), and we have orders for X-Rays and labs we can get (but the doctor doesn’t think there is impaction or anything these tests will conclude). This is psychological and behavioral and we really will just have to ‘wait it out’. He did give us some tips so it wasn’t a total lost cause and I’m to be in touch via email if we think we need to go to the next step of behavioral counseling. At the end of her exam he gave her an enema to help clean her out a bit which she took like a champ — so he got to see what we go through right there in the office. It was intense to say the least. He told us she will be dependent on Miralax for a long while (like years – and I don’t mean 2 or 3 years) and it is not something we can ever forget or skip. He wants us to get the dose up so she has a BM every day and on the weekends we are supposed to double her up so she can get ‘cleaned out’. And finally someone gave me the go ahead to forget about potty training! All this pressure and judgement to get my kid outta diapers is about to paralyze me.
Sydney was a trooper through this entire appointment She was certifiably scared to see the ‘poop doctor’ and we tried to make her as relaxed as possible — even sorta making fun of the fact that the doctor went to school to study poop! She let him examine her, answered his questions and didn’t cry (well until after the enema then it was no more nice Syd). On the way home she had another accident and pooped all over the car-seat (and the car and her dress) so that was pretty traumatic for her (and me who cleaned up the car/car-seat, and Royce who cleaned up Syd).
Although we don’t have answers there is some peace in the fact that physically there is nothing wrong with her. I do feel pretty helpless at this point now. How am I supposed to protect my girl from bullies, boys, mean-girls, and other things that scare her if I can’t even protect her from her own poop?
In the end I really just miss my kid. This has been so all-consuming that I feel like my happy friendly smart amazing kid who should be playing, learning, eating, growing is spending her life writhing on the floor clenching her butt. And that is what really makes me sad and why I want this all to be over.