Ingrid and I cut the breastfeeding cord two weeks ago. My supply had dwindled after my girlfriend getaway (I didn’t pump while there). We stuck it out for a few weeks with morning and night feeds but eventually she just seemed generally confused as to why she either had to work harder for the milk or why there wasn’t as much milk…and then she started biting me so that put a stop on things pretty quickly.
After her 1st birthday I stopped pumping at work since I didn’t have daycare bottles to fill anymore. This was unusually liberating. Not having to pack and lug around that nonsense felt weird. As I would get ready for work I was like this is it? This is all I need? My backpack with my lunch and a computer? No separate heavy bag with a pump and parts and blah blah blah. I felt so light and free!
And the time! Oh my I didn’t have to plan my day around when I could fit pumping into my schedule. I can go to meetings and not have to rush back to pump before the next meeting. I can sit in a chair in the sun and get some reading done. Its all so revolutionary.
I was very much looking forward to being done, but I’ll have to say my favorite right now it not wearing cami layers all the time…and being able to wear dresses. I haven’t had the energy (because work is still nuts) to start back again with a consistent running routine, but I hope to get out soon and maybe even hit up some of the trails that I haven’t seen in over 2 years.
I’m still getting used to the fact that I don’t have to be present all the time. Just this weekend Royce was putting Ingrid to sleep so that I could get some work done and that was the first time I had been present in the house and had someone else put her to sleep. Crazy! I’m sure I’ll get used to my new found freedom with time.
Since it’s been a few weeks my body is done adjusting and since we weaned gradually I skipped the annoying leaking stage. I was very conscious of the loss of calories that I was burning as Ingrid self-weaned and adjusted my diet so I haven’t gained any weight back, but my poor boobs have shrunk. The other night I was out with girlfriends discussing this exact topic and we were all laughing hysterically because I could store my cell phone and my car keys in my current bra. Handy and hilarious…guess I need to go shopping!
In the end I’m proud to say that neither of my girls got a drop of formula. But I’m also aware there isn’t a special place in heaven for me because of this…no mother of the year award for it either. All babies that are loved, regardless of breast or bottle are healthy.
But to myself it feels good to know that I nourished them through thick and thin. I sacrificed my time, my sanity, my body — for a year. Just a year.
But I’m very very glad to have it back now.