All done!

(waves hands in the air)  <– we are working on signing can you tell?

Sadly a side-effect of vacation without baby is that Mom’s milk supply tanked.  I tried to pump twice a day to maintain supply for Syds morning and bedtime feeds but it didn’t work.  She was super cranky yesterday morning after not getting enough from me, and then this morning she woke up at 5 AM presumably hungry since she didn’t get much from me before going to bed.  She happily chugged 6 oz from a bottle (she is finally taking them again, but I had to switch bottle types) this morning after my attempt at feeding her.  Thankfully we still have enough milk in the freezer to get her through the next month so that we don’t have to go out and buy any formula.  But it still pains me to say we are ‘all done’; I was really hoping to go for a full year and wean her when I went to Orlando in December.  

It’s been a bittersweet year.  Bitter at the beginning, but sweet in the end.  We put some serious sweat and tears into getting it right that first month.  It was hard, no doubt about it.  But I felt this overwhelming sense of obligation to at least try my hardest for this little babe who didn’t know what she was trying for.

I took the same sense of obligation with me when I went back to work.  I felt that I could at least give this much of myself (the time it took to feed her in the mornings, pump twice a day, to clean and repack pump parts, to feed her at night) for her who I left each day in the care of others so that I could go do something that made me feel more ‘normal’.  I really figured it was the least I could do, for her.

At times I resented it.  The hours in the evening spent feeding her whilst thinking of all the things I could have been doing instead.  I could have just as easily told Royce to feed her a bottle of formula while I went for a run, or stayed late at work, or ran errands, or sewed, or cooked dinner.

But other times it was bliss.  On demand milk when away from home or traveling, no bottles or bottle warmers required.  Although discretion was needed (unless I wanted to make habit out of midnight feeds) I also haven’t found a faster way to sooth a hungry baby in the middle of the night.

There were many other benefits too, but the tangible ones were the most believable (I’ve never been thinner!; the $$ we saved by not having to purchase formula).  Not that reducing my risk of breast cancer and bumping up Syds immune system are not important, I’m just not all that ga-ga over these benefits and they weren’t the reason I stuck it out.  I did it for so long because once we got into a routine it was quite comforting, and heck I enjoyed burning an extra 300-500 calories a day!

But now we are done.  It’s sort of sad this transition.  I really thought I would be ecstatic to be done…much like the euphoria I had when I quit pumping at work…but that’s not the case.  I’ll miss it.  I’m sure this is just a prelude to many transitions to come as Syd grows up, so I better get used to it!  

I hope the next go-around we are as lucky to go this far again.  At least I’ll know a priori with the proper support from a helpful husband and some self-sacrifice,  it can be done!

Comments

  1. I was sad when I stopped too, even though we didn’t make it as long as you guys did. It was still very bittersweet. After a couple of weeks though, I felt so liberated! Some people would say I’m a terrible person or a bad mother for feeling like that, but I didn’t care. I was a liberated mother!

    • midwestkids says:

      I would have probably felt more liberated if I stopped earlier when feedings were more often and therefore more time consuming. However with just the morning and evening feed, which we had been on for a while now, it was cozy. Maybe I’ll come up with something fantastic to do with this hour of my time I’ve got back but I doubt it!

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