If there is one thing with motherhood that I have not figured out, it is balance. These past 19 months have been a struggle as I have tried to balance my Mom-life, Work-life, Wife-life, and Me-life. The one that has taken the biggest hit has been Me-life. So far what I get to do for my Me-life (things that do not have a kid or husband involved that I do for my own sanity) on a semi-regular basis is the following:
- 1 hour for Pilates 1 time a week (on average depending on Royce’s work schedule)
- Book club with my neighborhood friends 1 night a month
- 9 holes of golf about 1 time a month
- Sewing when Syd naps on the weekends or after she goes to bed when Royce is working (this is a fine line with Mom-life though cause I can think of many other things I would do if I wasn’t tied to my house during these hours).
- Pedicure about every 3rd week.
I feel selfish bitching about my lack of Me-life. I feel guilty about it honestly; as if I shouldn’t morn/miss/long for this part of my life. Maybe we can only balance three “-lives” and it’s impossible to have all four therefore the Me-life just fades away once you become a mother and is replaced with Mom-life? If so…does it get easier?
I miss my Me-life. I miss not having to ask permission to go shopping on the weekends when Royce is home. I miss not having to figure out when the best time TO run household or personal errands is in order to balance Royce’s Dad-life so that he isn’t left at home hours on end with a cranky toddler on the weekend. I miss being able to just go out for a run whenever the mood strikes me without having to push a stroller. I miss being able to shop, sew, nap or cook on the weekends while Royce worked. I miss having 8 hours of a day to regularly do what I want, when I want, or to do nothing at all and not have to explain that doing nothing in an empty house is…FUN. I miss my Me-life so much that sometimes I cry at work when Royce calls me on his days off after his round of golf cause he still has his Me-Life and I’m so jealous of it I could scream.
You know what the funny thing is? Prior to Sydney I hated all the free time, I would dread the weeknights and weekends when Royce worked; at a loss for what I would do to fill my hours of solitude. Now all I want is for just 8 hours…maybe once a month when no one is around to question me, pester me, need me, so I can do what I want. So that I can find Me again.