Finding Balance

If there is one thing with motherhood that I have not figured out, it is balance.  These past 19 months have been a struggle as I have tried to balance my Mom-life, Work-life, Wife-life, and Me-life.  The one that has taken the biggest hit has been Me-life.  So far what I get to do for my Me-life (things that do not have a kid or husband involved that I do for my own sanity) on a semi-regular basis is the following:

  • 1 hour for Pilates 1 time a week (on average depending on Royce’s work schedule)
  • Book club with my neighborhood friends 1 night a month
  • 9 holes of golf about 1 time a month
  • Sewing when Syd naps on the weekends or after she goes to bed when Royce is working (this is a fine line with Mom-life though cause I can think of many other things I would do if I wasn’t tied to my house during these hours).
  • Pedicure about every 3rd week.

I feel selfish bitching about my lack of Me-life.  I feel guilty about it honestly; as if I shouldn’t morn/miss/long for this part of my life.  Maybe we can only balance three “-lives” and it’s impossible to have all four therefore the Me-life just fades away once you become a mother and is replaced with Mom-life?  If so…does it get easier?

I miss my Me-life. I miss not having to ask permission to go shopping on the weekends when Royce is home.  I miss not having to figure out when the best time TO run household or personal errands is in order to balance Royce’s Dad-life so that he isn’t left at home hours on end with a cranky toddler on the weekend.  I miss being able to just go out for a run whenever the mood strikes me without having to push a stroller.  I miss being able to shop, sew, nap or cook on the weekends while Royce worked.  I miss having 8 hours of a day to regularly do what I want, when I want, or to do nothing at all and not have to explain that doing nothing in an empty house is…FUN.  I miss my Me-life so much that sometimes I cry at work when Royce calls me on his days off after his round of golf cause he still has his Me-Life and I’m so jealous of it I could scream.

You know what the funny thing is?  Prior to Sydney I hated all the free time, I would dread the weeknights and weekends when Royce worked; at a loss for what I would do to fill my hours of solitude. Now all I want is for just 8 hours…maybe once a month when no one is around to question me, pester me, need me, so I can do what I want.  So that I can find Me again.


  1. I had the same thought today and have been composing a similar post in my head. Very timely.

    • midwestkids says:

      I remember having down right mental breakdowns at during those early months that you are currently in. Adding breastfeeding in the mix I think makes this Me-life even more important. For a while when I went back to work I felt that the Work-life became my Me-life because at least I wasn’t being pawed at at work for feeding (pumping still two times a day though made it difficult to completely break Mom-life while at work). Thing about Work-life is you have to work…LOL…so although I’m not as hyper-aware trying to do 10 things at once like I am at home, I’m still probably doing 3 things at once and dealing with difficult adult people while I’m at it. I look forward to your post on this situation and I’m glad I’m not alone…misery does enjoy company. Too bad we can’t have a glass of wine together more often to commiserate!

  2. midwestkids says:

    I also need to add few disclaimers to my post that for these 8 semi-regular hours that I wish to find myself… I don’t want to schedule them. I want someone to realize that yes, Julie deserves this time, let me GIVE it to her without making her get to near mental break down points before she asks for it.

    I also want the things that would normally be accomplished on my weekend days-off to get accomplished. I don’t want to return from my 8 hours of Me-life to find that my Mom-life (laundry) and Wife-life (bills, meals, de-cluttering house) expectations piled up at the door.

    The latter is probably the #1 reason why I don’t even ask for (or accept offers for) time away occasionally because it’s more work to come back (coming home from my Me-life Iowa trip was like coming home from a hurricane) than it is to just keep marching forward while trying to forget this Me-life concept.

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