I’ve been struggling a lot recently with expectations.
I found out this week that a friend of mine was in DC for a conference, and she managed to have time to contact and meet up with another friend of mine (I introduced the two of them a few years back). But neither of them bothered to email, phone or attempt to meet up with me. Ouch. Kick me while I’m down (because I haven’t exactly been feeling all bright and cheery lately).
I don’t blame either of them though (I am the first to admit that recently haven’t been the most fun person to be around). Instead I reflected. Am I a bad friend? Over the past 5 months I haven’t called people back, I haven’t met up for lunches, I haven’t wanted to spend my free time meeting up with other moms and babies while we do nothing but chase around and chat about said babies. But I don’t think that puts me in the bad friend category. Why? Because I’m still trying to figure out what I think of this new life, I’m befuddled because the expectation is that I should LOVE my new life. I should be over the moon about it. Sometimes I am, sometimes I’m not.
People can’t accept the last part of that statement; they don’t how to deal with those who maybe may not be all oooh-baby-gaga over their new life (not that I’ve ever been overly-happy-gushy-gaga about much of anything, it’s not really my style). Regardless of my reaction to motherhood, I would hope that women- mothers- friends could be more understanding, because when someone may not respond to you immediately…that probably means they need you as a friend more than ever. They don’t need to be ignored.
But that is how I have felt recently. Ignored and left-out. Not just by these two friends but by some others that are even closer. It makes for a rough go of it and complicates the funk I’m trying so desperately to get myself out of. When it comes down to it I guess somethings never change; we all struggle with wanting to be included. Right now I feel about as excluded as one can feel while struggling with my new role as ‘mom’. In a perfect world my friends would surround and help. Instead they forge on without.
Back to the expectations…Syd is amazing; I couldn’t have made a better child. But that doesn’t mean my entire life revolves around her, nor do I expect it to. I am multifaceted; boss, wife, mother. I’ve had many years to figure out ‘wife’, and I’ve been ‘boss’ for a while too. I’ve only been at this ‘mother’ thing for 5 months. It takes some getting used to. And there is nothing wrong with that. I just wish the expectations from other mothers and friends were the same. I do find myself growing closer to friends who hold the same facets, but it still hurts to see others fade away.